


What Not To Buy

by Jadesfire



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-30
Updated: 2010-03-30
Packaged: 2017-10-08 12:39:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/75740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadesfire/pseuds/Jadesfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Gwen wanted was a nice, quiet shopping trip…</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Not To Buy

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to my ~~slave drivers~~ betas, [](http://miss-zedem.livejournal.com/profile)[**miss_zedem**](http://miss-zedem.livejournal.com/), [](http://donutsweeper.livejournal.com/profile)[**donutsweeper**](http://donutsweeper.livejournal.com/) and [](http://crystalshard.livejournal.com/profile)[**crystalshard**](http://crystalshard.livejournal.com/) (who gets full credit for the title). For [](http://fan-eunice.livejournal.com/profile)[**fan_eunice**](http://fan-eunice.livejournal.com/), who wanted Ianto &amp; Gwen friendship fic.

  
Gwen fidgeted with the strap of her handbag again, trying not to glance at her watch. Again. Honestly, how long was it going to take? They had about a thousand and one other things to do today, which weren't going to get done unless Rhys got a damn move on. She sighed, and wondered about just marching in there and telling him to shift himself.

"Gwen?"

The low voice cut into her cycle of irritation, making her jump.

"Ianto?" She smiled as he threaded his way past the racks of clothes. "You skiving off too?"

Ianto gave her a half-smile.

"Owen's checking out what might be a case of-" He gave a slight but significant cough. "-flu. Tosh wanted to run some scans for the prediction matrix she's working on, but Jack kept distracting her."

Gwen rolled here eyes. "Seriously, that man needs a hobby. Something to keep his hands occupied."

"Right." Ianto cleared his throat, blinking a few times, and Gwen bit her lip to keep from grinning.

"Sorry," she said, but Ianto just gave a soft snort. There was a faint flush of colour across his cheeks, which Gwen didn't think was entirely due to embarrassment.

"Anyway, I thought if I brought him out shopping with me, it'd get him out of Tosh's way for a while, and I'd have some company, someone to carry the bags, things like that."

Gwen was struck by the sudden mental image of Jack, weighed down with shopping bags and carrying a teetering pile of boxes while he trailed along behind Ianto, who kept adding bags of expensive coffee to Jack's load. Shaking her head to clear it, she raised an eyebrow at Ianto, who was carrying at least four carrier bags.

"Didn't quite work out that way?"

"Not quite." Ianto shook his head, half-annoyed, half-resigned. "He got distracted by the hole punches in Smith's, and I think it's the first time that Staples have ever actually issued someone with a lifetime ban."

"What-"

"Please," Ianto interrupted, blushing for real this time, "don't ask. And never tell him where the key to the stationery cupboard is kept, alright?"

"Your secret is safe with me," Gwen told him seriously. "Where is he, then?"

It was Ianto's turn to roll his eyes. "I left him looking at a hi-fi."

"Don't we already have a sound system?"

"Yes." Ianto gave her a long-suffering look. "But this one has a remote control that makes the volume dial turn all by itself. _Look, Ianto_," he said, in a passable imitation of Jack's accent, "_I'm not even touching it and I can turn it on._"

She watched him for a long moment, then realised he was serious. "Okay," she said slowly. "And Jack's…"

"Still playing with it, yes." Ianto looked over Gwen's shoulder, and she saw his expression shift from mildly amused to horrified and back into that careful blankness that he maintained most of the time. Turning, Gwen followed his gaze. Rhys had finally come out of the changing room, wearing the suit that hadn't looked that bad on the hanger. Now, she was starting to think that linen wasn't really his colour.

"So? What do you think?" Rhys did a slow turn, holding up his arms so she could get a good look. Beside her, Ianto made a small, strangled sound.

"Well," she said carefully, trying to get her face somewhere near normal by the time he turned back to her. "It's the right size."

Ianto made another pained noise, and Rhys gave him a puzzled glance. Quickly, Gwen said, "Rhys, this is Ianto. From work."

She managed to glare at him before he could say the word 'Torchwood', and he frowned, giving Ianto a just-about-civil nod. "Alright?"

"Fine, thank you." It might just have been Gwen's imagination, but Ianto's voice sounded more strained than usual. "Shopping, are you?"

Rhys raised an eyebrow at Gwen. "Yes. Obviously." His tone clearly said, _are all the people you work with idiots?_

"Obviously," Ianto echoed, still not taking his eyes from Rhys. "Er, what for?"

"Honeymoon," Rhys said, as though Ianto should already have known that. Which he did, of course, Gwen having mentioned it enough times to drive the others thoroughly mad.

"Right. Right. Not a fancy dress party, then," Ianto added in an undertone that only Gwen heard. She elbowed him and smiled at Rhys.

"It's nice, love."

"Isn't it?" He tugged the lapels, grinning. "Very suave."

"Yes." And really, if Gwen had to keep the forced smile up for much longer, she was going to strain something in her face. "But do you think-"

"What?" Rhys' face fell. "You don't like it, do you?"

"It's not that-" But Rhys could always tell, now, when she was lying to him. "I'm just not sure about the colour," she said, hoping that she sounded supportive but honest.

From the way Rhys' shoulders slumped, he wasn't taking it very well. "Fine. Okay. I'll just go put those jeans on, then, shall I?"

"Oh, love. I'm sorry." Gwen gave Ianto a helpless look. For his part, Ianto was looking thoughtfully at Rhys as he went back into the changing room, his every step broadcasting his misery. Then, still without looking at her, he handed her his bags.

"Hang onto these for me?"

"Sure. What?" By the time she'd made sure she wasn't going to drop any of the bags, Ianto was gone, disappearing into the depths of the menswear department. Giving in, Gwen leant against the wall and hoped Rhys was actually going to come out again, not just stay in there and sulk.

After a few minutes, she decided he'd gone for the sulking option after all, but by then there were three other people in and around the changing room, and she really didn't want to start a shouting match in front of an audience. Five minutes later, she was getting worried, and was starting to think she was going to have to go in there after him, when suddenly Ianto appeared beside her without a sound. One day, she was going to ask him how he did that.

"He still in there, then?" he asked, arms full of clothes. Gwen nodded, opening her mouth to speak, then closed it again when Ianto grinned, said, "Great," and plunged into the changing rooms. A moment later, Gwen heard him calling Rhys' name. She couldn't make out the words, but there was definitely some kind of heated conversation going on inside, and she leaned as far towards the door as she could, trying to hear.

"Gwen Cooper, are you trying to ogle half-naked men?"

Gwen absolutely did not yelp, but she was getting really sick of the Torchwood men creeping up on her and making her jump. She turned to glare at Jack, only to find herself half-smiling because damn, that grin was infectious.

"I'm trying to see if either my fiancé or Ianto is going to make it out of there alive," she told him.

Jack's eyebrows rose almost to his hairline. "Seriously? Rhys and Ianto in there? Together? You're not worried they might, you know..."

Gwen was not going to blush. "Some of us use changing rooms for actually trying on clothes, Jack."

"You're starting to sound like Ianto," he muttered, mock-glaring at her. "Neither of you have any sense of adventure. What's he doing in there, anyway? If he's not-"

"Fighting a losing battle with Rhys' fashion sense, I think." She hadn't heard their voices for a while, and wasn't sure whether that was good or bad.

"Is that a double-breasted or single-buttoned kind of fight, or tweed versus pinstripe?" Jack peered curiously over her shoulder, trying to see into the changing room himself, leaning back again as Ianto re-emerged, holding out his hands for the bags Gwen still had.

"More like taste versus enthusiasm," he said, giving Gwen a knowing smile. "They should all fit, so just pick whichever one you like best. I put some shirts in as well, just in case."

As he took the last bag, Gwen gave his hand a little squeeze. "Thanks, Ianto."

Ianto ducked his head, then turned to Jack. "You done?"

"More or less." Jack was practically bouncing on the spot. "Although I did find something really cool. Wanna see?"

"Cool," Ianto repeated slowly, raising an eyebrow.

"Technical term." Jack waved a hand. "Do you want to see or not?"

It was impossible to say no when Jack turned his 'boyish appeal' dial up that high, and Ianto was no more immune than Gwen was. She heard him sigh, but when she looked up, his lips were twitching in the smile that she'd come to recognise as genuine amusement. "Come on then, show me this marvellous discovery." He waved for Jack to lead the way, trailing in his wake and calling, "See you later, Gwen," over his shoulder.

She watched them pick their way past racks of shirts and trousers, Jack talking with his hands, Ianto nodding now and then, once putting out a hand to stop Jack knocking over a cardboard display, and gently steering him round the mannequins on the corner. My team, she thought. And smiled.

********

As promised, all the suits fitted, and they eventually settled on one whose price tag didn't make Rhys' eyes bulge. After paying, they took a brief trip through the lingerie section, paused by the hats, detoured to have a glance at the telephones and eventually found themselves surrounded by televisions.

"Honestly," Rhys said, turning in a slow circle, looking for the way out, "I swear they make these places confusing on purpose."

"They're trying to make you buy something," Gwen replied absently, looking for some kind of signage.

"Hey, isn't that your mate?"

She turned quickly, following Rhys' gaze across the shop. In the far corner, Jack and Ianto were standing in front of another large screen, although she couldn't see exactly what it was showing. They had their backs to her, and seemed to be intent on whatever they were watching.

"Come on." Rhys grabbed her hand and headed right towards them. "What was the guy's name again? The suit guy?"

Pressing her lips together briefly, because this was probably not the moment for a fit of giggles, Gwen swallowed the laughter and said, "Ianto. And the other one's Jack."

"Yeah, I know. Hey, Ianto!"

Ianto turned when Rhys called out, making Jack elbow him. "Hey, are we playing or not?"

"Jack." The low warning in Ianto's voice must have got through to Jack, because he glanced over his shoulder, then looked back at the screen quickly.

"Hang on." They were close enough now that Gwen could see they were playing a computer game of some kind, although she didn't pay enough attention to that kind of thing to recognise it. The screen froze, and Jack turned to them. "Hi there. Good shopping?"

"Yeah, great." Rhys kept his attention on Ianto, holding up the bag. "Just wanted to say thanks. You were spot on."

"Oh." Ianto's hand went to his tie, in a gesture that Gwen thought was more of a reflex reaction than anything else. "Well. You're welcome. Glad to help."

"It looks really nice," Gwen said, taking Rhys' arm, hoping to steer him away again.

"It's great," Rhys agreed, not taking the hint. "If I can ever do you a favour-"

"Unless you know how to get past this guy," Jack jerked his thumb at the screen, where some kind of monster appeared to be about to devour the human character, "then I don't think there's anything."

"Jack…" This time, Gwen recognised Ianto's 'play nicely' voice, although she could have told him that it was pretty much a hopeless cause.

"What you playing?" When Jack held up the box, Rhys gave him an unimpressed look. "And you're stuck? Seriously?"

With a quick glance around the area, Jack lowered his voice a little as he said, "Listen, when you can take down these things in real life, you get to be smug about it."

"Yeah, very impressive, mister 'can't beat the computer version'."

Jack glared, tapping his hip where Gwen knew he'd be wearing his gun, even on an apparently harmless shopping trip. "I'm not allowed to shoot the computer version."

Pushing the suit carrier into Gwen's hands, Rhys picked up Ianto's discarded control pad. "Look, it's not that difficult."

Ianto bumped Gwen's shoulder gently as he came to stand beside her. They both watched as Jack and Rhys pushed buttons, waved the controllers and sniped at each other, while the screen spouted blood and flames.

"You know," Ianto said conversationally, without turning to look at her, "I was thinking of heading downstairs to get some coffee. We're nearly out."

"Alright," Gwen said carefully. Ianto's coffee sources were a closely guarded secret, and she was more enthusiastic about the drinking part than the shopping part.

"Then I thought I might get a cup of coffee somewhere before heading back to the Hub. Maybe a piece of cake too."

Gwen's lips twitched, and she tried to match Ianto's carefully neutral expression. "That'll be nice."

"I thought so." He held his arm out. "Want to come?"

Shifting the suit to her other hand, Gwen slipped her arm through his. "You know what, Mr Jones? That sounds like an excellent idea."


End file.
